A Brilliant Interview : Must Read for Every Employer & Employee..

Some, rather most organizations reject his CV today because he has changed jobs frequently (10 in 14 years). My friend, the ˜job hopper™ (referred here as Mr. JH), does not mind it. well he does not need to mind it at all. Having worked full-time with 10 employer companies in just 14 years gives Mr. JH the relaxing edge that most of the ˜company loyal™ employees are struggling for today. Today, Mr. JH too is laid off like some other 14-15 year experienced guys “ the difference being the latter have just worked in 2-3 organizations in the same number of years. Here are the excerpts of an interview with Mr. JH:

Q: Why have you changed 10 jobs in 14 years?

A: To get financially sound and stable before getting laid off the second time.

Q: So you knew you would be laid off in the year 2009?

A: Well I was laid off first in the year 2002 due to the first global economic slowdown. I had not got a full-time job before January 2003 when the economy started looking up; so I had struggled for almost a year without job and with compromises.

Q: Which number of job was that?

A: That was my third job.

Q: So from Jan 2003 to Jan 2009, in 6 years, you have changed 8 jobs to make the count as 10 jobs in 14 years?

A: I had no other option. In my first 8 years of professional life, I had worked only for 2 organizations thinking that jobs are deserved after lot of hard work and one should stay with an employer company to justify the saying ˜employer loyalty™. But I was an idiot.

Q: Why do you say so?

A: My salary in the first 8 years went up only marginally. I could not save enough and also, I had thought that I had a ˜permanent™ job, so I need not worry about ˜what will I do if I lose my job™. I could never imagine losing a job because of economic slowdown and not because of my performance. That was January 2002.

Q: Can you brief on what happened between January 2003 and 2009.

A: Well, I had learnt my lessons of being ˜company loyal™ and not ˜money earning and saving loyal™. But then you can save enough only when you earn enough. So I shifted my loyalty towards money making and saving “ I changed 8 jobs in 6 years assuring all my interviewers about my stability.

Q: So you lied to your interviewers; you had already planned to change the job for which you were being interviewed on a particular day?

A: Yes, you can change jobs only when the market is up and companies are hiring. You tell me “ can I get a job now because of the slowdown? No. So one should change jobs for higher salaries only when the market is up because that is the only time when companies hire and can afford the expected salaries.

Q: What have you gained by doing such things?

A: That's the question I was waiting for. In Jan 2003, I had a fixed salary (without variables) of say Rs. X p.a. In January 2009, my salary was 8X. So assuming my salary was Rs.3 lakh p.a. in Jan 2003, my last drawn salary in Jan 2009 was Rs.24 lakh p.a. (without variable). I never bothered about variable as I had no intention to stay for 1 year and go through the appraisal process to wait for the company to give me a hike.

Q: So you decided on your own hike?

A: Yes, in 2003, I could see the slowdown coming again in future like it had happened in 2001-02. Though I was not sure by when the next slowdown would come, I was pretty sure I wanted a ˜debt-free™ life before being laid off again. So I planned my hike targets on a yearly basis without waiting for the year to complete.

Q: So are you debt-free now?

A: Yes, I earned so much by virtue of job changes for money and spent so little that today I have a loan free 2 BR flat (1200 sq.. feet) plus a loan free big car without bothering about any EMIs. I am laid off too but I do not complain at all. If I have laid off companies for money, it is OK if a company lays me off because of lack of money.

Q: Who is complaining?

A: All those guys who are not getting a job to pay their EMIs off are complaining. They had made fun of me saying I am a job hopper and do not have any company loyalty. Now I ask them what they gained by their company loyalty; they too are laid off like me and pass comments to me “ why will you bother about us, you are already debt-free. They were still in the bracket of 12-14 lakh p.a. when they were laid off.

Q: What is your advice to professionals?

A: Like Narayan Murthy had said “ love your job and not your company because you never know when your company will stop loving you. In the same lines, love yourself and your family needs more than the company's needs. Companies can keep coming and going; family will always remain the same. Make money for yourself first and simultaneously make money for the company, not the other way around.

Q: What is your biggest pain point with companies?

A: When a company does well, its CEO will address the entire company saying, ˜well done guys, it is YOUR company, keep up the hard work, I am with you. But when the slowdown happens and the company does not do so well, the same CEO will say, œIt is MY company and to save the company, I have to take tough decisions including asking people to go. So think about your financial stability first; when you get laid off, your kids will complain to you and not your boss.

Children Are Quick..!!

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America ..

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?

CLASS: Maria.

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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

(I Love this child)

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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I"

MILLIE: I is..

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am"

MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.... Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....

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TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

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TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)

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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher

Finally.. The Dream Has Come True..!!

Twenty eight. The number of years that have passed since India last won a World Cup. That miracle at Lord’s. Against the greatest side. 183. The impossible defense. Sandhu’s banana ball. His hop after. Kapil’s catch. Madan Lal’s fist pumping the air. Mohinder’s legcutters. Holding’s wicket. Climax.

Twenty eight. Almost half a lifetime. Seven World Cups. Many prime ministers. An economic upheaval. From one television channel to a zillion. In 1983, my dad had to wait eight months before he could own a land line phone. Apparently he was luckier than many.

From Kapil to Gavaskar to Vengsarkar to Srikkanth to Azhar to Sachin to Ganguly to Dravid to Dhoni. Phew! At last. From Srikkanth ecstatically puffing on a cigarette in the Lord’s balcony to Yuvraj Singh sobbing emotionally at the Wankhede.

Twenty eight. The average age of this World Cup winning Indian team. Munaf is 27; Yusuf and Sreesanth are 28; Dhoni, Gambhir and Yuvraj are 29; Harbhajan is 30; Nehra is 31; Sehwag and Zaheer are 32. At the near end of the spectrum are Kohli (22), Chawla (22), Raina (24) and Ashwin (24). At the far, unreachable end is Tendulkar (37).

Among these, only Tendulkar lived the moment in ’83. Only he experienced the miracle. Among this group, only he understands the real significance of that day, the way things were and they way things changed. Only he felt the zeitgeist.

The rest were too young. The memories from that World Cup, if at all there were any, would have been hazy. I’m guessing everything they knew was from hearsay, highlights packages, interviews and anecdotes.

It’s fascinating how the cricket lives of most in this team run parallel with Tendulkar’s international career. Ten members of this squad, and most of them forming the core, are between 27 and 32. Many of them were drawn to cricket because of Tendulkar and many have talked about idolizing him in their impressionable years.

Many tried to bat like him before getting more realistic. A few initially picked up heavy bats – the kind that he uses – before exchanging them for lighter ones.

Dhoni once said most of the cricket he watched as a kid was restricted to Tendulkar’s batting. He also said how he stopped watching the ’03 final the moment Tendulkar was out. [To understand the man's leadership read this interview from 2008]

Having lifted Tendulkar on his shoulders, parading around the stadium, Virat Kohli pretty much spoke for the whole country with his poignant line: “Sachin carried the burden of a nation for 21 years so he deserves it.”

Someday Kohli may go on to lead India. He may even win a World Cup. But I’ll always remember him for this line. Always. That was how apt it was.

Twenty eight. That’s pretty much how old my generation is. I’m 29 and most of my friends are between 26 and 30. We’ve followed poor teams and good teams; seen players with ‘potential’ fall flat on their face; seen domestic giants being exposed at the higher level. We’ve spent years hearing about our mediocre cricketing system, our dangerously scruffy outfields, our medieval coaching systems.

We’ve gone mental watching games, only to realise that some players sold those games for several million bucks. We’ve seen teams collapse too often, teams that choked at the first sign of pressure, teams that couldn’t win big games, teams that crumbled while chasing, teams that froze while batting under lights. We’ve seen Kambli cry.

Like many in the team, we’ve all grown up watching Tendulkar. We too have idolized him, tried to bat like him with heavy bats. We’ve been nervous wrecks when he’s at the crease and often flown off sofa sets watching some of his straight drives. I almost flew off again when he drove Kulasekera today, that majestic, pristine push down he ground. The bat so straight, so still.

For several years, we switched off our TV sets the moment he got out. The result was a no-brainer. The collapse was inevitable. The rest would simply cave in.

Not today. Not a chance in hell. Not with this team. Not with Gambhir, Kohli and Raina. Never with Yuvraj and Dhoni. Sure we were jittery at 31 for 2 but it was just a matter of one good partnership. This team was mentally strong enough. They too have been scarred by collapse after collapse. They too know how much it hurts if they meekly surrender.

Gambhir and Kohli steadied the nerves before Dhoni imprinted his signature on the World Cup. He promoted himself ahead of Yuvraj and backed himself to prove a point. Not to the fans or the media but to himself. It was high time. The moment was here to be seized. Greatness was knocking. He had to blast the door open.

And what an innings it was. Cutting ferociously, bat meeting ball with an ominously crunching sound, the hands twirling the bat around, the slightly exaggerated backlift, the thunderous power.

And that six to finish, probably the most emphatic full stop you will see in cricket. The beautiful arc of the bat, the sensational timing, the elevation, the sheer shock of the instantaneousness, the most awesome orgasm.

The replays were even more stunning: the intense concentration, the absolute brutality of the focus, refusing to take their eyes off the ball, the bat unrelenting in its completion of the follow through. And that joyous twirl that followed, as if he had just finished a game in a park.

For some strange reason it reminded me of Kapil third six at Lord’s in 1990 – when he was batting with No.11 and struck four sixes to save the follow on. It was the third six in a row, was struck powerfully, described a glorious arc and soared over long-on . And it was executed with the joie de vivre of a little boy in a backyard.

The baton passes. And how!

Some Jokes =)) (18+ ONLY)

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, 'You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station:

BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.

'From now on when I say BELL 1' I want you to strip naked.When I say BELL 2 I want you to jump in bed.And when I say BELL 3 We are going to make love all night.

'The next night he came home from work and yelled' BELL 1!' The wife promptly took all her clothes off. When he yelled 'BELL 2!', the wife jumped into bed.

When he yelled 'BELL 3!', they began making love.After a few minutes the wife yelled 'BELL 4!'

'What the hell is BELL 4?' asked the husband?

'ROLL OUT MORE HOSE,' she replied 'YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE.'

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Little Susie goes home from school and tells her mum that the boys keep asking her to do cartwheels because she's very good at them.

Mum said, "You should say NO - they only want to look at your panties".

Susie said, "I know they do, that's why I hide them in my bag".

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Michael, Francis and Ubaldo are standing at the Gates of Heaven being interviewed by St. Peter.

“Ok you, Michael, how many times did you cheat on your wife??”

“Let me be honest Peter. I've been seeing at least two or three different women a year all my married life”.

“Ok, your car in heaven is that Hyundai i10 there. Goodbye.”

St. Peter turns to Francis, “How many times did you cheat on your wife??”

Francis replies, “I must admit that in fifteen years of marriage I did cheat on my wife twice.”

St. Peter says, “OK, your car in heaven is that Honda Civic. Here's the keys. Get going!”

He then looks at Ubaldo, “And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife??”

Ubaldo lifts his head high and replies, “I am proud to say that in over twenty years of marriage, I never cheated on my wife. In fact, my beloved has been dead for two years now and I remained celibate the whole time!”

St Peter replies, “Very impressive. Your car in heaven is that BMW Z4-M Roadster convertible. Goodbye!”

Michael and Francis have driven off and are in a car park nearby waiting for their friend. Ubaldo turns up in his BMW but he is crying his heart out.

Michael asks, “Arrre! What's the matter with you? We should be crying. We're stuck with these cheaper models and you got an expensive BMW!"

Between sobs Ubaldo explains, *“I just saw my wife driving a Nano” *

====

A trucker was driving his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill. Just as he was starting down the equally steep other side, he noticed a man and a woman lying in the center of the road, making wild and passionate love.

In total disbelief, he blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on them. He realized that they were not going to stop or get out of his way, so he slammed on his brakes and stopped just inches from them.

Furious, he got out of the cab and walked to the front of the truck.

He looked down at the two, still on the road, and yelled, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could have

been killed!"

Eventually, the man looked up at the truck driver, obviously satisfied and not too concerned and said, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes"

====

An old Parsee is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed: "Dikraa, aii ley, for you, my chrome-plated 0.38 revolver".

"But Bawaji, I really dont like guns. How about you leaving me tamaaru gold Rolex watch instead "?

"Chutia, shut-up and listen. Someday you have to run maaru business.

Someday you gonna come home and maybe find your fataakri bairi in bed with some other bhonsrino bhadvo.

Chutmarina, what will you do then?

Point your Rolex watch at him and say "Time's up"???

What Woman Really Wants?

(To Women) please take time to ponder........

(To Men) enjoy the story........

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, If after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question was: What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, And to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, He accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: The princess, the priests, the wise men, and even the court jester.. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, For only she would have the answer. But the price would be high as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, The most noble of the Knights of the Round Table, And Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one tooth, Smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc.

He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden, But Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life. And the reservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered. Arthur's question thus: 'What a woman really wants?'

She said, 'Is to be in charge of her own life.'

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth. And that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was. The neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom. And Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and, Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, She would henceforth be her horrible and deformed self only half the time. And the beautiful maiden the other half.

'Which would you prefer? She asked him. 'Beautiful during the day .... or at night?'

Lancelot pondered the predicament.

During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, But at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch!

Or,

Would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day?

But by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments with?

(If you are a man reading this...) What would YOUR choice be?

(If you are a woman reading this) What should YOUR MAN'S choice be?

hat Lancelot chose, is given below:

BUT... make YOUR choice before you scroll down below... OKAY?

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Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question, He said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time. Because, he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now... what is the moral to this story?

The moral is...

1) There is a witch in every woman no matter how beautiful she is!

2) If you don't let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly.

So, always remember:

IT'S EITHER 'HER WAY' OR IT'S 'NO WAY'.

The Psychiatrist & The Proctologist

Two best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and

decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a

practice together to share office space and personnel.

Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist;

they put up a sign reading:

"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors".

The town council was livid and insisted they change it.

So, the docs changed it to read:

"Schizoids and Haemorrhoids."

This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign.

"Catatonics and High Colonics"......No go.

Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives"....thumbs down again.

Then came "Minds and Behinds"....still no good.

Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes".......unacceptable again!

So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts".....not a chance.

"Nuts and Butts".....no way.

"Freaks and Cheeks".....still no good.

"Loons and Moons".....forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with:

"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones--Odds and Ends".

Everyone loved it.

How Would Santa Claus Measure His Performance?

Santa Claus is one amazing character.

To avoid disappointing any of the estimated 380 odd million Christian children in the world on Christmas Eve, Santa Claus needs to be capable of some pretty spectacular performances:

• Santa’s memory is so good, he can recall 380 million childrens’ Christmas wish lists.
• Santa visits about 970 households per second.
• To achieve this, his sleigh has to travel at over 1000 kilometres per second (3000 times the speed of sound).
• The sleigh’s payload (that is, the sack of toys) is estimated at being about 500,000 tonnes.
• Santa’s reindeer are each 40,000 times stronger and faster than the average ordinary reindeer.
• Santa’s reindeer, due to air resistance created by the astronomical speeds they travel, each absorb up to 14,300,000,000,000,000,000 joules of energy every second.
• Each time the sleigh takes off, Santa is subjected to 17,500 g of force (apparently the average human will black out at about 4 or 5 g).

This is an engineer’s perspective on Santa Claus and it has been suggested that these calculations might be proof that Santa Claus doesn’t really exist. But that’s not the point of this month’s Handy Hint. These trivial statistics illustrate a few interesting points about performance measures…

Measuring Capability

Measuring what your organisation or process or team is capable of (modelled from past performance) can help you anticipate how likely you are to meet changing stakeholder needs. As the Christian population in the world grows, how much faster will Santa have to travel, and how much more will the sleigh have to carry, and how much more energy will the reindeer have to absorb? How many more toys will the elves have to make?

What kinds of toys will most influence the children of tomorrow to be nice and not naughty?

Measuring Outputs

Santa’s outputs are the results of his activities, what he produces. And what he produces is gifts delivered to Christian children that have been nice and not naughty. Measures of his outputs might include: the % of nice children that did receive a gift, the % of children that received the gift they requested, the % of children that received a gift they loved, the safe return of Santa and the reindeer to the North Pole sometime on Christmas morning.

Outputs are produced over and over again by our business processes, but for the purpose of making some bigger, ultimate set of outcomes happen.

Measuring Outcomes

Measuring activities and outputs might be interesting and easy, but we need to measure the ultimate set of outcomes of our activities and products if we care at all about what we are doing. Santa doesn’t do the Christmas Eve thing because it’s a challenge. He actually really wants to encourage children to be nice and not naughty and he rewards those children being nice with gifts on Christmas Eve.

Santa’s ultimate outcome measure might be the percentage of children that always behave nicely. He might analyse trends in this information – he has years and years of history, as he’s been at it for around 1600 years. Santa might also benchmark this measure against the motivators for non-Christian children to be nice and not naughty, to see how well his gift strategy is working.

Linking Outcome Measures to Capability Measures

There is a logical connection among these three types of measures. The capability measures predict the quality of the outputs, and the quality of the outputs predict the quality of the outcomes. If Santa’s elves make the right kinds of toys, then more children will get the gift they want and thus, more children will be influenced by Santa’s message to be nice and not naughty.

YOUR

CHALLENGE

:

Have a very safe, incredibly happy and gorgeously relaxing Christmas and New year! And hopefully that won’tbe a challenge! :)