Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Abortion in the ears.....

This is a short story written by a doctor ....he is a gynecologist in
Pune and a very gifted writer....enjoy this extremely funny story.

My wife is an ENT Surgeon while I am a Gynaecologist. This can lead to
some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish. A General
Practitioner called me up and told me that she is sending a patient of
hers for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female
with earwax for removal of the wax to my wife.

I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she
was expected (and expecting!) As Murphy lays down the laws of our
hospital, it was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax
removed from her ear, landed up with me. This is the conversation that
I had with the patient.

"Please come in. Be seated." I said with a big smile. I always have a
big smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a
feeble smile and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. "Relax."

"Doctor, will this hurt a lot?"

"Not at all."

The patient relaxed visibly. "You know something, Doctor, we tried
removing it at home, but failed."

I was shocked. "Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious complications.

"I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just wouldn't budge."

I smiled and said, "If it were that easy, who would need doctors?"

She gave a cute smile and said, "Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it
with his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin."

"Oh my God!"

"Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick."

My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without
uttering a word.

"Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me?"

I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too
much. I replied a bit angrily, "There are tablets which can prevent
this happening. Or you could use protection at night."

Now it was the patient's turn to be confused, "You mean to say that it
happens only at night?"

I saw her point. "No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are
in the mood, you should use protection."

She was even more confused, "It depends on my moods?"

Again I saw her point. "My mistake. You need not be in any sort of
mood. It just happens."

"My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the roadside."

"You mean that pin man?"


This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides
using pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew
was among the pins. "You were wise not to heed his advice."

"But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and
wait. However, that also did not work."

This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbor deserved to be
locked up either in a padded cell or a barred one.

"But have you taken your husband's permission?"

Now the patient looked confused. "Do I have to take my husband's
permission? Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai. We
were not able to meet for the last one year."

It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of
'those' cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual
suspect. I reassured her. "No! No! The husband's sign is not at all

"However, I did inform him on phone."

Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn't know
whether to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily
turned to other aspects. "Its good that you came a bit early."

"Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some other work."

"Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this
removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed a

The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a horror movie.
Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen to the
grotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I said, "You will
bleed a bit, but only for a few days."

By now, the poor patient was trembling, "how-H-How much bleeding?"
"Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will
continue only for a week or so."

By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring
at me wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, "Why don't you lie down on
the examination table? Remove your clothes and relax."

This was the final straw. She didn't even wish me goodbye. I saw just
a blur of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Keep It Simple And You’ll Be Happy

How many gadgets modern technology has blessed us with! Yet, they only seem to add to the stress and tension of our lives. I have seen young men and women walk down parks and green lanes with earphones completely shutting out the world of beauty around them.

Keep it simple! That is the mantra which can help you reduce stress and tension. Possessions and acquisitions may seem marvellous. But after a while, you do not own them, they own you.

A Tao story tells us of an artist
who was so gifted that his fame spread all over. One day, he painted the picture of a snake. It was so lifelike that viewers seemed to hear it hiss!

The artist was so carried away by his own success and the adulation of his fans that he touched up the snake. He
made its eyes glow; he outlined the fangs so that they seemed to dart at you! He could not stop; he went on and painted feet on the snake!

The expression, “Painting feet on a snake”, a Chinese saying, refers to situations that are needlessly made more complicated by people who do not know when and where to stop.

When our life becomes complicated with power and possessions, we move farther and farther away from the simple joys and pleasures of life. We fail to notice the green grass and the fresh morning flowers.

We don’t have time to hear birds singing or watch our little ones smiling. We drift away from the state of childlike innocence and simple joy, which is our basic nature.

Simplicity is not self-denial. It is a return to those values that matter most in life. It emphasises spontaneity and intuition. It helps us to rediscover the feeling of wonder and joy that we have lost as adults.

There was a wealthy businessman, who was also a sincere, simple soul. He owned an expensive jet in which he flew about from place to place. They asked him if he enjoyed his private plane. His reply was significant. He said it was certainly very convenient; but he had managed to travel without his own plane earlier; in fact, when he was young and poor, the fact that he couldn’t fly did not stop him from being happy.

A famous actress was being interviewed on television. She had made a fortune that year, over a billion dollars. “Does it make you feel good?” she was asked.
“Yes and no,” she replied thoughtfully. “Everyone thinks it’s marvellous. So many people flock around me. But i really do not know who my true friends are and who are with me only for the money and the glamour. As for my daily life, it has not changed much, except that i work harder now.”

A group of young men and women were walking across a shopping mall. They were happy and relaxed; they were talking and laughing merrily. Not a care in the world did they seem to have.

There was a young girl among them, who happened to glance at the window of a jewellery store which they passed. On display was a beautiful, brilliant diamond bracelet. How it sparkled and shone! The girl’s eyes opened wide. She went close to the window to inspect the price. She could not afford it.

She caught up with her friends but she was not the happy, laughing, bubbly girl that she had been five minutes earlier. Her cheerful, buoyant attitude had been replaced by a mood of glum disappointment.

This is the worst part about wanting things. Getting them may give you momentary happiness. But not being able to get them often makes you miserable!!!