Tuesday, May 6, 2008

If u find urself bored in the office.... here r some tips

1) .... Never sit idle in office!!! neva make that mistake!!!! should u find urself busy sitting idle, try digging ur nose..... digging ur nose is an art boss!!!! u can roll all ur capital income inside there without any specific rollers or caster !!! even better, try finding out if there exist any natural BY PASS route from one nostril to the other>?>>>>??? hwo knows u might win the PADMA VIBHUSHAN for DISCOVERING something really great.

2) Should ur boss always suspect u saying u give false exuces and that u are not loyal to him when it comes to quoting a tender... Ensure that u stick a board on ur desk sayin " I WORK HERE FOR MONEY, IF YOU WANT LOYALTY , HIRE A DOG"

3) Hmmmm!!!! My boss is always ahead of schedule, ppl.. always.. he is always 364 days 23 hrs and 59.05 minutes ahead of schedule.. always!!!!!!!!!!!!!! next time he hurries up with me, i am gonna reply sayin "has constipation made u walk on the time bomb sir??????"

4)Neva waste ur time listening to ur bosses in his cabin.... take pics of his bald head... Upload the same onto AUTOCAD, CATIA, PRO-E or Adobe, develop a 3-Dimensional view of the same and calculate the curved surface area and the total volume !!!! Don u stop there..... issue a painting scheme, float enquiries and order requisition of paints for polishing the ever polished round yet hugely magnanimous globular no crystalline ever shining BALD HEAD ..... no end no end buddies.... experiment this on many bosses found in yo firm and a deatiled study to be done based on comparison do u know wy??????? following conclusions can be arrived

- Which boss is cheaper?

- Who has the maximum inbuilt space that can house nothing but uslessly the EMPTINESS

- Which boss is his wife's PALTU KUTHA ??? baow baow baow!!!!

5) Once whilst havin a meetin with our consortium partners (all partners in crime , huh!!!) our boss was asked to calculate the CO evolution for the steel making process. now how would a boss remember his 12th standard molecular formulae??? will he??? how can he go forward without relying on his trusted Lieutenants SUBBBY AND DEEPU.... haa..... .. the best we could do.... perfect calculations... we calculated such a way and placed the papers in our boss's file that whilst explanation ,a boss kept sayin., "these calculations were done with in depth knowledge and intrusion of ma brain into the actual and probable analysis done, sir.... the CO evolution is blaa bla bla bla bla!!!! do""""""

What a round of applause.... the calculations revealed that Steel's melting point is just 1500 degrees,.but ma boss's calculations (actually ours) could generate so much heat that it could run a 20 MW thermal power station and give current to Two bombay cities.... brrrrrrrrrroooooooorrrrrrrrrr it was so nice seein ma boss getting screwed...no on what grounds will he eva even stare at us in front of anyone after he had claimed that those calculations were done by him????? haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

but Subbby , Deepu and Kiran were all ready with perfect errorless calculations to save our company's ass!!!!

6) Remove the connection of the printer and see if the printer still works... Should it not, reconnect it and see if ur connection works.. should it still not ensure u make a comment sayin, the virus ahs screwed even ma DOT MATRIX printer.

7) even worse, remove the compressor unit of ur age old AC's that work in ur office (preferably ur boss's cabins.. for more details pls contact KIRU on BL).. i am sure the AC's in ma office where designed, fabricated and Manufactured just 10 days before the Mahbharatha War started.. The Window ACs ryt now have taken the incarnation or rather the image of the SPLIT AC's .....

8) Avoid using Telephones or wireless modes of communication within office... Do not waste current at home charging ur mobiles either, instead u could use Match boxes and lil strings to get ur data transfered.

9) UNISTALL the Antivirus in ur bosses PC ... let the boss and his PC rest in peace!!!

10) Should u be fed up with ur boss and if he keeps callin u for the meeting again and again when any

vendor or party visits u.... nothing much, stick a board outside ur boss's cabin that read "BEWARE OF DOGS"

11) Try shifting the data from C drive to D drive and again D drive to C drive... find out which takes longer time?

12) Make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and take a nap.

13) Should your boss ever demand that he wants the work to be done on totality.... u reply him sayin " sir we wish to see your HAIR on ur head to grow in totality too"

14) Should your boss take leave, form a agency and find out if his mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and if the boss has really gone to track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. .. I guess One day should do it. in short find out how many days he is gonna me off....

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