Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Are you having telemarketers problems?

I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner when the phone rang.

ME: Hello.
Vodafone: Hello, this is Vodafone, sir.

ME: Is this Vodafone?
Vodafone: Yes, this is VODAFONE …


ME: Is this VODAFONE.?
VODAFONE: Yes! This is VODAFONE, may I speak to Mr. Bhatt, please?

ME: May I ask who is calling?

ME: OK, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.

ME: Hello?
VODAFONE: Is this Mr. Bhatt?

ME: May I ask who is calling, please?


ME: The phone company?
VODAFONE: Yes, sir.

ME: I thought you said this was VODAFONE.
VODAFONE: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.

ME: I already have a phone.
VODAFONE: We aren’t selling phones today, Mr. Bhatt. We would like to offer you 10 paise a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

ME: Now, that’s 10 paise a minute, 24 hours a day?
VODAFONE: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that’s right! 24 hours a day!
ME: 7 days a week.?
VODAFONE: That’s right.
ME: 365 days a year.?
VODAFONE: Yes, sir.
ME: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That’s amazing!
VODAFONE: We think so!

ME: That’s quite a sum of money!
VODAFONE: Yes, sir, it’s amazing how it adds up.

ME: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full Rs. 52,560; and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?

VODAFONE: Excuse me?
ME: You know, the 10 paise a minute.

VODAFONE: What are you talking about?
ME: You said you’d give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to Rs. 144 per day, Rs. 1008 per week and Rs. 52,560 per year. I’m just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.

VODAFONE: Oh, no, sir. I didn’t mean we’d be paying you. You pay us 10 paise a minute.
ME: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you’ll give me 10 paise a minute, that I’ll give YOU 10 paise a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I’ve read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know.

VODAFONE: No, sir, we are offering 10 paise a minute for…………..
ME: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?
VODAFONE: Sir, I don’t think that is necessary.
ME: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
VODAFONE: Yes, Mr. Bhatt. Please hold.

At this point, I begin trying to finish my dinner.

ME: Yeah.

SUPERVISOR: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 paise a minute scheme.
ME: Is This Vodafone?
SUPERVISOR: Yes, sir, it sure is.

ME: (I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be Careful not to produce a snort.) No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to
get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.

SUPERVISOR: Ok, no problem, I’ll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
ME: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I need to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

VODAFONE: Hello, Mr. Bhatt, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan.?
ME: No, but I was wondering – do you have that “Friends and Family” thing because I’m an only child and I’d really like to have a little brother…

VODAFONE: click…….. :P

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