Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Don't take a man shopping....

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend long shopping. This letter was recently sent by a leading super market's Head Office to a customer in Oxford...

Dear Mrs. Murray,While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury has requested permission to prevent you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband desists from certain behaviors in our premises. Our store manager has agreed to wait till you have an opportunity to reply and explain the behavior of your husband in our store. Below is a list of offences over the past few months, all verified by our surveillance cameras. Our footage does not show you in the company of your spouse so we have concluded that you are completely unaware of what your husband does while you are shopping elsewhere in the store. Below is a list of incidents captured by our cameras and they clearly show your husband :-

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in house wares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the House wares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again."

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here".

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